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Shock as new research shows Jews living north of London
The Institute for Jewish Policy and Research this week released a new report which shows that there are Jews living north of Watford. A spokesperson for the Board of Deputies told the Daily Jews that an emergency summit will be held to plan fundraising and an aid package for these people who are now being […]
Last week in review
As most of the world tries to forget another depressing week, we review the best bits. Israeli Education minister has Rafi Peretz has said he believes so-called “gay conversion therapy” can work, he told the press that it worked on him. His ex-wife told the Daily Jews “This really does explain a lot”. This week’s […]
Glastonbury tree distressed from non-consensual hugging
A tree situated close to the Glastonbury Tor is reportedly suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome after over 40 years of being hugged without its consent by random hippies. The tree, which according to experts is made of oak, broke its vow of silence which is mandatory for all trees under the ‘trees of the […]
Katie Hopkins feeling ‘dirty’ shaking hands with a Jew
Katie Hopkins returned from Israel this week where she screened her new movie ‘I hate Muslims more than I hate Jews’ to an audience in Jerusalem. Upon returning she was reportedly devastated to learn that the non-Muslim Israeli’s she met were Jews. She told a confidant “Look the Jews are not as bad as the […]
Vegan distraught that she has run out of people to tell she is a vegan
News this week that Emily Hernbury from Dalston is terribly distraught after coming to the realisation that she has told most of the world she is a vegan. Ms Hernbury who has been Vegan for 18 months, told us that telling people she’s vegan is what gave her purpose in life and that now she […]
Chief Rabbi to appear on Love Island
In an effort to reach out to less affiliated Jews, the Chief Rabbi has agreed to appear as a contestant on next year’s Love Island. Whilst the Chief Rabbi is married, his office assures us there will be no halachic problems arising from his stint on the show: “There are enough creative solutions in […]
White Smoke Arises From Federation Headquarters: “Mir Hobn A Poypst”
Hamodia writer, Nosson Horo, brings us the latest from the Hareidi community Heimishe Yidden have begun a month of celebration of the appointment of the new Av Beis Din and Rov of the Federation, HaGaon R Shraga Feivel Zimmerman, Shlita To The Moon And Back. After weeks of feverish speculation as the Beis Din were […]
Boris Johnson hits out at main leadership opponent, Boris Johnson.
The frontrunner for the Tory leadership and Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, has hit out at his main rival and competitor, Boris Johnson, Claiming that Boris Johnson is not fit to be Prime Minister. Mr Johnson was speaking to the press this morning as part of his media blitz in campaigning to win the forthcoming […]
Jeremy Corbyn appoints Jackie Walker as Rabbinic advisor
In the wake of Labours latest antisemitism scandal relating to Jew-baiter, Chris Williamson being handed back the whip, party Leader Jeremy Corbyn has announced he is cracking down on antisemitism by appointing Jackie Walker as Rabbinic advisor to the party. Ms Walker was recently conferred with Rabbinic ordination by a Jewish ‘court’ made up of […]
Climate change too depressing to solve says UN
The UN has published a new report on catastrophic climate change which claims that addressing the problem is just too depressing. The document introduction says “We’ve gathered together over 500 peer-reviewed papers on climate change and included the latest news reports which suggest that humans are now ingesting more than 5 grams per week of […]
