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Last person to claim PPI checks into psychiatric asylum
The last person in the UK to have not claimed PPI, Robert O’Dear from Lincolnshire, has been identified. Mr O’Dear has reportedly checked into a private psychiatric facility to deal with the trauma of receiving 300 calls a day. The calls come from the three remaining claims companies who are hoping for a taste of […]
UN report shows vegan diet contributes to climate change
A new report out today from the UN working group on climate change includes previously unknown data relating to methane emissions. It is well established that vegan food sources have a considerably lower carbon footprint than omnivorous diets. This is down to land, water and food requirements for cattle. Now the scientists have factored in […]
UN accuses Israel of creating illegal settlements on the moon
(caption: Israeli tardigrade clearly seen holding an AK47 assault rifle) The United Nations General Assembly today passed resolution 2897 condemning Israeli aggression through its efforts to colonise the moon. The resolution came promptly following the news that an Israeli space vessel had left tardigrades on the earth satellite. A statement from the UN body read: […]
Vegan politely asks mice to leave his house
Vegan homeowner, Marcus Smugus, has reportedly asked a mischief of mice to leave his premises or face expulsion. The mice moved into Mr Smugus’ 3-bed terrace house four months ago. They have taken to scratching at wood in the night, eating Smugus’ food and crapping on Mr Smugus’ bed while he’s at work. Speaking through […]
Makers of BroigusApp to release ShpilkesApp
The makers of successful mobile phone application BroigusApp which is now being used by most of the worlds Jewish population have announced a companion app called ShpilkesApp. Founder of BroigusInc the company behind the apps told us “I’ve made so much money from the first one, but I still can’t afford a house in Tel […]
Gay school agrees to add religion to curriculum
Queer Manor, the upmarket public school for LGBTQ+ students, has announced they will reluctantly add religion to their curriculum. The announcement comes after a report released by the Independent Schools Inspectorate, called out the impact the lack of religious education may have on the pupils later in life. James McVities, Chief Executive of the ISI, […]
Boris offers £300m to anyone that disagrees with Brexit
In a bold manoeuvre designed to shore up support for his Brexit policies, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has announced a new initiative. The Prime Minister says he will be offering £300m to any group that doesn’t agree with him. So far Mr Johnson has offered the city of Liverpool and Scotland £300m each to keep […]
Remains of oldest known Wanker discovered in a cave in Cheshire
Archaeologists this week announced an exciting new discovery, the oldest known Wanker, found near the remains of the famous Lindow Man. Jizzer Jim, as he is being called, was found preserved in ejaculate leading anthropologists to conjecture that he may have been the recipient of a large, ancient bukake ceremony. Analysis of the bones in […]
Last week in review
In the week that passed, Trump told us that he isn’t racist and the Israeli Education Minister Peretz told us he isn’t a homophobe. Trust in politics is back. A Haredi man in Florida is suing McDonald’s for not hiring him due to his beard, a spokesman for McDonald’s said: “We had to let him […]
Hamodia to employ AI to allow photos of women (transformed into men) to be published in their newspaper
(photo: Haredi women altered to look like men, dancing in Jerusalem). International Haredi newspaper, Hamodia, has started showing photographs of women for the first time, thanks to modern technology which makes them look like men. The newspaper which is widely read in the Haredi world told us they had listened to complaints of sexism levelled […]
